Graded Hate Mail

Today’s graded hate mail:

Message from:  <name removed to protect the guilty> :

the more i read the less i like your story.in the
begining , i wanted to know who died,but at this
point i dont care.the arguments are so stupid at
times,and paul seems pathetic going from mature to
immature and back to mature and back to
immature.the longer the story goes the worse it
gets and thats mainly because of the B.S. way your
trying to drag this out,i have an idea for your
next chapter ( THE END)

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Emailed through StoriesOnline’s Mailing System

My reply:

Thanks for writing, now let me grade your hate mail.

1) Use capital letters to begin sentences.

2) Hold on, I’m getting ahead of myself… Use sentences! Sentences contain a subject and a verb, and end with some form of punctuation, usually a period (a question mark or exclamation point will do nicely as well).

3) Use apostrophes for contractions like “don’t” and “that’s.” A contraction is where you contract two words into one, and the apostrophe is used in place of the missing letters (I won’t burden you with the concept of elision right now… too advanced).

4) The word is “beginning” (two N’s).

5) Capitalize “I” when used as a subject pronoun. Capitalize proper nouns, such as people’s names.

6) “Your” is an adjective used to show possession. The word you want is “you’re” (one of those nasty contractions again), which means “you are.”

All in all, not such a great example of hate mail. I give you a D. You can do better!

Nick

Mocking haters is fun.

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