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Now with Glow-in-the-Dark Hands!   (71 votes) |
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20 Responses to “Deluxe Jesus”
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The power of God. Yours today for the lowly sum of $12.99. Order now and the next resurrection is on us!
[snerk]
This is what led to the Protestant Reformation almost 500 years ago. Maybe we need something like this again?
What, a split in the church? (Which church?) Who’d notice?
Hey everybody sing along!
– — – — –
Well, I don’t care if it rains or freezes
Long as I have my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car!
I could go a hundred miles an hour
Long as I got the almighty power
Glued up there with my pair of fuzzy dice!
– — – — –
Ah yes, brings back fond memories of the original Don Imus when he was just a young irreverent D.J., coming into work drunk and wasted, ignoring the play list to play whatever the hell he wanted while locked in the control booth with a chair jammed under the doorknob.
“Plastic Jesus” was one of his regular routines.
** Good Times **
Blessed Doktor Deeeementooooo used to play that to me late at night when I was a wippersnapper in LA. I never can recall more than the first chorus, however.
Couldn’t remember it either. Happily, Google is kind to me!
It is amazing the stuff people have saved into web pages. Just type a few terms of something you sort of vaguely recall, and as you learn more refine the search terms.
I recharge an amazing variety of brain clogging silly ass trivia that way
WTF Fridays and now IGTH Sundays. Irreverence knows no bounds.
Promises of a blessed week ahead. Gotta love it.
I don’t know that I’d want each and every day to have a specific feature, but I have to say that IGTH Sunday sounds like a great idea.
I see someone else likes to shop at Archie McFee (http://www.mcphee.com/shop/) for some of their gag gifts. They do have some good ones.
“Christianity
The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree – yeah, makes perfect sense.” Unknown
All this for $12.99 plus Made in China!
“Jesus is my Lord and Savior. And if He were alive today, I would crucify him for the ultra-liberal, socialist, hippie, pansy-pacifist that He is.” – Anonymous
… and the women screamed, “Touch me! Touch me!”
So, does the non-Deluxe version have normal size hands? I mean, c’mon, this one’s hands look four sizes too big.
It is because they glow in the dark. Also needed to pick up all those loaves, fishes, and wine bottles.
That’s because they are Engorged with Glory!
Or maybe he’s allergic to wine, take your pick.
Bet the manufacturer doesn’t come out with a “Miracle Mohammed” version of this …
But does he have orange balls? …(yesterday…)
It’s “Nuclear Exposure Jesus” with “Glow in the dark hands”!
For those who came up in the nineties perhaps a great song by Chris Cornell from an album called “Temple of the Dog” comes to mind.
Wooden Jesus
Wooden Jesus where are you from
Korea or Canada or maybe Taiwan.
I didn’t know it was the Holy Land
But I believed from the minute
The check left my hand.
And I pray… Can I be saved, I spent all my money
On a future grave.
Wooden Jesus I’ll cut you in
On twenty percent of my future sin.
Porcelain Mary her majesties pure
Looking for virgin territory.
Coat hanger halos don’t come cheap
From television shepherds with living room
Sheep.
And I pray… Can I be saved, I spent all my money
On a future grave.
Wooden Jesus I’ll cut you in
On twenty percent of my future sin.